I found my fish

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I couldn’t let myself go. I couldn’t love anyone other than myself. I couldn’t give love at all… But not until I was told to take it slow… Not until someone loved me for all my flaws…

Love was hard to define then but now I found my own definition of it…

Love for me now is when you have finally found your fish amidst the billion fishes in the sea.. Love to me now is this man kissing away my fears, sorrows, scars and pain.. Love to me now is something that I should not be afraid..

I love you my fishy…

Love is in the air. So I was given a gas mask!

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My coffee’s gone cold and my throat’s gone dry from laughing my insides out. My hardcore instagram-ing skills caught us in an endless argument between right and wrong. I still hate it when he’s right and he hates it when I keep pretending that I am right. Yet, that’s how we get each other. He knows how to reprimand a stubborn soul without bruising my pride but I know how to keep him calm amidst hurricanes of stress and make him laugh like a crazy Hyena. Therefore, we break even.

In this twisted world, where fate barely exists, we ended up in the most unlikely place called friendzone. We’ve exhausted our emotional bank and even loaned our future but still we ended up in bankruptcy. We recovered individually and invested on life separately. We made it a lesson that perhaps there’s more to life than just love. We taught each other that. 

Almost a decade and I can still see myself with him laughing, people-watching and arguing with his nasty sarcasm over a cup of coffee. It’s understood that things will remain what it was before and after. I will still call him when I get car troubles and I will still listen to him when he’s stressed at his job saving people’s lives. On lunch and dinners, I’ll still have his rice and while he takes my pork’s fatback. He can keep nagging at me over my ninja skills on procrastination while I just laugh at his sarcasm. I’ll keep his dirtiest secrets as long as he’ll keep comments subtle on my vow of waiting. We’ll keep rolling like Bonnie and Clyde and we’ll keep the world guessing.  

It’s hard to define what we have but I guess we are two individuals who can prove that Ex’s can be friends after all.

Cheers to friendship and thanks for the gas mask!

My dream love story…

I have been impatient and I’ve been through worst. In the abyss of my misery, I have settled for things that I was not worthy to have. I opted to be attached to something hardly real to hide myself from ebbing insecurities and everlasting fear of being alone. Yet, my journey to find that love story led me to a number of options. Some were easy but I chose something a few has encountered. I followed the light that has brighten my heart. I entrusted my whole being to the creator of the universe. I am patiently waiting for that moment of promise. I have redeemed myself by forgiving my past, by letting go of what I used to be, by changing the course of my pride. I am on my way to that fairytale. With my heart safely at HIS hands, I eagerly give my all knowing it would be worth the wait.❤

Autopilot mode

I have the most indecisive heart and I probably have the most insensitive soul.

I shouted “I give up” minutes after I said I’m taking the leap. What was that for? Probably alcohol taking it’s toll. Yet, the moment I knew I felt it, love.. It was when everything started to scare the hell out of me.

Don’t ever tell me I didn’t warn you, Choy.

I wish chances are plenty because as of now I don’t really know what to do if you’re gonna give up on me. It’s been a year. Hold on please. I’ll try to kill the monster inside me. Please wait for me. We were almost there. I did my share. Though it was little but I did what my strength could handle.. I am scared but I am learning. Please just a little time.

It will be worth the wait, I promise.

Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy

If there’s anything I hate more than warm beer, that would have to be waiting. I don’t have enough patience to last me a day. I don’t want to be asked to wait.

Perhaps last night was as meaningful as the Sinulog fireworks. I felt it again. It was extraordinarily unbelievable but I felt it, love. It made me think twice about waiting. It wouldn’t be that bad after all.

I know it would not be easy. I am in constant repair. I don’t know when things will fall into place but I do know one thing… I am falling further and further everyday. I am scared but I am willing to wait and I pray that he will too. 

Everyday from today, I will hold in my heart knowing you are worth the wait.

Choy.

The truth about love

The truth about love.

It gets harder to decipher every time you’re snapped and caught on its trap. Love is the cunning spider!

Love is schemingly wise and terribly hostile to everyone without even anyone noticing it. It is like the spider who knows what to say and how to say the words our ears are so eager to hear. Then one by one like the innocent fly we get to be invited and lured into his parlor but we can never return again.

I wanted to be the wiser fly. I’ve always been the wiser fly. Yet wisdom never saved me from getting lured into its parlor. Love promised me bliss and infinite faith on romance. Who could say no to that? Love began to lure me by saying those words I’ve never heard but my heart yearned to hear. He told me I am beautiful beyond comparison, I have eyes that sparkle when smitten with hope, promises of love and I have wings that flutter music like a lullaby and symphony beyond what men can create. I was told I deserve to be in his parlor with everything in it that sparkles. The parlor is up high in winding stairs to keep anyone not welcome. I am welcome.

In the parlor, he said, there is a huge mirror, a mirror that could actually confirm his words if doubt holds so tightly my heart. I began to imagine and began to believe. He kept talking until his words sounded like music to my ears, a symphony that serenaded my heart and a song that began to fill my life but it got me blinded. I didn’t realize I was flying myself inside with my heart swaying with his song. When I opened my eyes, I was already inside his parlor. He wasn’t there but I was trapped. His parlor was perfect like gold but empty. It sparkles but it was blinding. I knew I was in trouble. My instincts told me I needed to get out. I was trapped inside and helpless with his song is still humming inside my head now trying to hypnotize me. I begged wisdom for help because he was right, Wisdom told me not to believe it. Yet, when I was in there wisdom can’t even do anything at all.

How I got out and saved myself is a mystery but that is the truth about love.

Congratulations, you made me post something about you.

I yield to this madness that challenged my faith in being alone. I have gone a long long way without any strings or any escape and I’ve withheld any involvement in anything catastrophically temporary and distracted myself by focusing into something less emotional. Yet, as I look back replaying those conversations we had in my head, I realized that if that question ever pops again I would ultimately shout… ALL IN! Yes, terribly sorry to be too late enough to realize you are still that ALL and EVERYTHING. I take back everything I used to say… I don’t want to be alone. I can survive being alone, but I don’t want to anymore. I want to be with you.

I get tongue-tied and clumsily stupid every single time I get the chance to say everything that I ought to say. I wish so hard every time I screw up the chances that you would perhaps do your thing with the mind-reading you ought to do when I want you to figure out something. It was after all an advantage for me. I get to spare myself from saying things I never really couldn’t say. Too bad all we’re good at right now is arguing something that has already been figured out or play charades to fool ourselves.

Oh your clever sarcasm rings trouble but what beguiles me the most is how you make an argument so persuasive. You always get what you want indeed. The good news is, I do too. More good news, we can always argue about it again. I’ll never get tired of that. I’ll never get tired off loving that part of you and I’ve always wanted to say that.

Now you earned a spot along side my well-appreciated travel blog because you made me smile by just looking back.